Friday, April 7, 2017
The Top 10 Best Things From Transformers Vs. G.I.Joe
IDW's Transformers Vs. G.I.Joe comic series by Tom Scioli and John Barber is some kinda crazy fun.
So here's the top ten BEST things from it...in my humble opinion, of course.
10. Hawk's "funeral"
Issue # 3
General Hawk receives a minor wound in issue # 1. Issue # 3 abruptly opens with his funeral aboard the USS Flagg! How did he die??
The newly-christened "Decepticobra" alliance isn't going to miss an opportunity to wreak havoc on their foes while they're all gathered in mourning. A large force led by Starscream and the Serpentress (secretly the Baroness who has seized control of Cobra in the wake of Cobra Commander's apparent demise back in issue # 0) attack the Flagg, assuming the Joes will be taken unawares.
Then Hawk's casket opens up...
Yup, Hawk's entire death and funeral were staged just to lure their enemies close! A huge battle ensues and the Dreadnoks attempt to breach the Flagg to retrieve Doctor Venom, who has been working for G.I.Joe under duress.
Buzzer guns down Shipwreck (he gets better) and hands the good doctor a gun, assuming Venom will eagerly come with them.
Nope. Doctor Venom likes working for G.I.Joe! He can do all his shady crap under the auspices of working for Uncle Sam now!
9. Roaming Cities
Issues 2, 3, 5, and 12
On Cybertron, both the Decepticons and Autobots operate out of moving cities. Trypticon is the Decepticon capital and Megatron sits on a throne inside the giant robo-dinosaur's maw.
Trypticon is constantly trudging across Cybertron in pursuit of the Autobot city Metroplex, which takes on a starfish-like beast mode and crawls across the planet's uneven surface.
Trypticon finally catches up to Metroplex in issue # 5 briefly, in a chapter amusingly titled "Everybody Hates Metroplex". Cuz ya see, Trypticon's original voice actor was Brad Garrett, who is probably most known for starring on the long-running sitcom...Everybody Loves Raymond.
Later in the series during the final battle between Decepticobra and the "Jotobots", Metroplex is finally able to transform to robot mode and uses his own arm as a breaching tunnel into Trypticon's interior.
8. The Decepticobra victory feast
Issue # 10
Having captured Roadblock, Cobra quickly puts him to work as their chef. They hold a great banquet in toast to their apparent victory over G.I.Joe, one which Megatron crashes. Getting into the spirit of things, Megatron decides to sample human food...that is, he literally has the captured Joe Skidmark prepared on a plate and served to him!
Unfortunately for Cobra, Roadblock has also taken the opportunity to poison the food he's made for them. When Serpentress chastises Destro for allowing this to happen, Destro dismissively replies "Great cuisine was worth the risk."
Having earlier made contact with Tunnel Rat, who has infiltrated the Cobra stronghold, Roadblock holds foes off with his culinary armory before making a safe getaway.
7. Defensor, Defender of Mankind
Issue # 12
The "Rescuebots" create Defensor in honor of their goal of protecting humanity. This Defensor is made up of a more eclectic and varied line-up of team members than the traditional Protectobots.
Blades is actually the Blades from the younger demographic-targeted Rescue Bots cartoon, a character named Peacemaker forming the gun only makes sense for this group, and Arcee becomes...pink panties for Defensor?? Uh, okay!
Later, Defensor is wounded fighting Trypticon, and Steeler comes to the rescue with the G.I.Joe Bridge Layer! This solely-industrial Joe vehicle allows Defensor to score a critical hit on Trypticon.
6. King Grimlock's revenge
Issues 5 and 12
Grimlock began the series as leader of the Autobots in Optimus Prime's absence and Rodimus Prime's exile. Rodimus soon makes his return and challenges Grimlock for leadership. We don't see the results of the challenge, but since Metroplex is under siege during it, the two seemingly put their differences aside quickly to mount a counterattack.
Grimlock issues his own challenge to Megatron, perhaps believing that killing the Decepticon king will solidify his claim to Autobot leadership. Unfortunately for the Dinobot, Megatron proves too powerful and slays him. Megatron takes Grimlock's "Rex Tyrannus" crown/dino-head and tail as trophies, integrating them into his body and becoming a homage to Beast Wars Megatron to boot.
Later in the series, Optimus Prime is killed as well and finds Grimlock on the road to the afterlife. After escaping Kremzeek, Devourer of Souls (really), they find the final gateway blocked by its guardian, Bludgeon. Prime possesses the key to open the door within himself.
Prime sacrifices his chance to enter the afterlife to allow Grimlock to do so. So will Grimlock enjoy eternal rest? Not a chance! See, Megatron has been carrying the stolen Matrix in his chest since the series began. And now...it is a gateway for Grimlock to resume his attack on the Decepticon king!
5. Earth transforms
Issues 8 and 13
Megatron has corrupted Cybertron itself and brought it into Earth's orbit. Massive horned mountains spring from Cybertron and plunge into Earth's surface, dealing it monstrous damage. The Joes on Cybertron fear the planet is lost, as Earth sinks into a giant cloud of dust and space debris.
Cybertron transforms into Primus and at Megatron's command, the enslaved planet moves to consume the sun. But...!
Wait, so both Tunnel Rat AND General Flagg are supposed to be Larry Hama? SO CONFUSED!
Anyhow! Earth has survived, and what's more...Joe Colton has initiated the "Atlas" protocol. Long, long ago, a deity called Daiakuron (heh-heh) gave birth to several ensouled planets, two of which were Cybertron and Earth. And much like Cybertron...Earth has a robot mode!
4. Snake Eyes and Scarlett binary-bond
Through possession of the Master Sword, which contains the souls of his three mentors (the Hard, Soft, and Blind Masters), Snake Eyes inherits control of Fortress Maximus. Similarly, after having slain the great Neb'los betrayer Zarak, Scarlett becomes Scorponok's master.
Snake Eyes has avoided Scarlett since his facial disfigurement in issue # 0. However, they find themselves commanding ancient city-sized foes and are compelled to reunite.
After making Fortress Maximus and Scorponok tongue-kiss (ghahahah), Snake Eyes finally decides to let his guard down in front of the woman he loves and Scarlett (and the reader) get to see his blemished visage.
3. Ultra Magnus
Issues 10 and 13
After Optimus Prime is killed by Megatron, his body is retrieved by Ultra Magnus, who in this continuity...is the Autobot god of death.
During the final battle, Ultra Magnus arrives to confront Megatron (and homage the crap out of the '86 animated movie.)
Fighting on the surface of the sun, Magnus manages to tear the stolen Matrix out of Megatron's chest...and reveals that he is merely a vessel to bring forth...
2. Destro and Megatron
Issues 3, 9, and 13
Destro...was once a man.
Born hundreds of years ago in medieval Scotland, the man who would become Destro explored a crashed Transformer spaceship and was gifted with alien knowledge and technology. Destro used it to create the very first gun and further to prolong his own life and create an empire.
In the present day, Destro meets with Megatron in the early stages of the Decepticobra alliance, and the two immediately feel a kinship with each other. If Destro is father of the gun, than certainly Megatron is his god. (Also, the two share a distinct disdain for incompetents voiced by Chris Latta.)
Megatron offers Destro a token of his esteem...a gun in the Decepticon king's image.
In the final battle, after Duke kills Destro, we are given a glimpse of what measures the Scotsman took to live through the centuries. And of course, we learn the significance of the gun that Megatron gifted him...just before Duke destroys it.
1. Scarlett in Springfield.
Issues 6 and 7
Scarlett and some other Joes are captured by the enemies and imprisoned within Scorponok. They are brainwashed by Dr. Mindbender and Mindwipe to believe they are living a "normal" life within an enclosed community called Springfield.
Scarlett is haunted by the voices of alien ghosts (the residents of the long-slaughtered community of "Neb'los" that Springfield was built atop) and shakes the brainwashing. Her and Mutt snap everyone out of it and Scarlett kills her fake husband (a Cobra "Fred" decoy), leaving her fake children inside their burning home.
While the other Joes look for an escape, Scarlett decides to hunt down those responsible for this illusion. She finds Bumblebee's severed (but alive) head and Doctor Mindbender...but her "kids" catch up with her.
After dispensing with the kids, Mindbender, and a bio-duplicate of herself, Scarlett infiltrates Scorponok's brain center. She finds Scorponok's master Zarak, the betrayer of the Neb'los and exacts a long-overdue justice upon him.
Having cut a bloody swath through Springfield, Scarlett's first act upon assuming control of Scorponok is to reunite two old friends.
And that's that! YOTO JOTOBOTO!!!