Another top ten? As long as I draw breath they will never end!
While I am mainly a Transformer's guy as far as my toy collecting goes, there are many lines I also enjoy. One of these is G.I. Joe. Specifically the smaller Joes from the 80's for nostalgic reasons, and the recent lines because of how well done they are. However, as with all toys, while there are some amazing figures out there, there are also those that because of a name, or a design... are just kinda funky. They aren't so much bad, they are just a little....off.
Well, I'm here to give these outcasts a little love, so here's Chainclaws Top Ten Weird G. I. Joes!
10. Headman- This was a character that came out a good while after I had stopped collecting in my younger years, and learned about him upon my return to collecting. Headman is more or less a civilian criminal...specifically a drug kingpin. A weird fit into the military world of G. I. Joe. However, there was a big push at the time to "Just Say No" and all that, so I can see where the idea came from. Joes are all american heroes, let's have them take down a druglord(The Joe anti-drug team was named DEF), pretty simple. The main thing I do like about Headman is his not as weird, badass personal soldiers, the Headhunters. They just look lethal, and really need an updated figure. However, without their weird boss, they wouldn't exist. So, for that, the action figure who probably snorts coke makes the list.
9. Cesspool- Brian may take me to task on this, but Cesspool is weird with a capital "W". A former philanthropist that was environmentally responsible, he ends up taking a bath in some sludge, disfiguring his face, and hey, why not? Joins up with Cobra as the main villain in the "Eco-Warriors" sub line Hasbro released for Joe. Cesspool looks more like someone Batman or Spidey would battle. Brightly colored, monstery face, insane, all the standard supervillain guy stuff. Like Headman, I understand the idea behind this, the whole pollution issue had been addressed in the Captain Planet cartoon, which was popular, and Hasbro wanted on the bandwagon. Of course, jumping on said bandwagon, they needed a villain less in the vein of an evil terrorist, and more a super villain, so taa-daa, Cesspool. Still freaky looking though.
8. Robo-Joe- Ok, many criticized the later years of Joe for not being very realistic. Well, Star Brigade took that opinion and blew the hell out of anything coming close to "realistic". Aliens, space travel... and a cyborg Joe figure. Robo-Joe is not only a weird idea, but look at him. Yikes, they possibly did the crappiest cyborg design possible. He'd rank higher if he was more memorable. Unlike the previous two...I really have very little to say about Robo-Joe.... he's weird, and he sucks.
7. Manimals- A previously unreleased sub line from Star Brigade, the Manimals were a gimmick set of figures. Fans were anxious to get them, and eventually they were a Kay-Bee exclusive release. Having an alternate head, or weird alien deal in their chests, they would open revealing the space critter. The villains, who were aliens, were pretty bad, but there were concepts to have beloved characters like Snake-Eyes in this flipping crap. Ugh, no thanks.
6. Captain Grid-Iron- You know what kids like? G. I. Joe. You know what else they like? Sports. So, what do we do? That's right, mash up a soldier with a football player! The good captain not only had a military helmet that had the familiar football faceguard, but he also had a lil football grenade on his backpack! He also came with possibly the most insane gun I ever saw. Looking like a huge pistol, this bad boy had three freaking missiles on it. I assume Captain Grid-Iron is just so bad ass, he has to have a pistol that shoots missiles. He was just so far out of left field, and oddly enough I actually like this weird ass football/road warrior looking reject.
5. Crystal Ball- Ok, here's where we get into some prime weird. Crystal Ball here is a gypsy hypnotist. Yup, you heard me, gypsy hypnotist. It's assumed he uses the lenticular sticker shield accessory he came with to do this. It's a pretty big, silly prop. Most guys just use a pocket watch. Anyway, this loser had no weapons with him(a cardinal sin in Joe Land), and as far as I know may have held the title as biggest peg warmer for the whole line. I never saw him sell, there would be five or six of these guys in an otherwise empty Joe section. One more time. Gypsy hypnotist.
4. Super Trooper- Wow...obviously a master of camouflage, Ol' Disco Vest here was a mail away figure. Clip some Flag Points off some toys, send a few bucks, and taa-daa this chrome plated monstrosity could be yours. Obviously again trying to blend superheroes with the military theme, Super Trooper was a gaudy looking toy, and his big shiny shield wasn't the coolest accessory. All in all a weird figure for sure, and a silly lookin one to boot.
3. Toxo-Zombie- Another one Brian will have words with me about, this figure from the aforementioned Eco Warriors shows up. This time a day-glo neon colored former Viper, contaminated by toxic waste. Instead of dying...like you would normally do, he's now a mindless super strong zombie serving the evil Cesspool(see why I said he was a supervillain?)! The colors on this thing are just...gah...and the idea is also really silly. Give them credit on one thing, they were like twenty years ahead on the current zombie craze.
2. Big Boa- Ok, first of all, I really like this figure. He looks mean, like any good Cobra should. However, barring my bias, I cannot overlook this character comes with boxing gloves, and besides his head, has no visible armor or protection. He looks amazingly silly, and badass at the same time. It's just mind boggling how this was pulled off. I blame the awesome helmet. A guy in a turtleneck and daisy dukes would look badass with that helmet. But still, his overall weirdness is still evident, so he makes the list. His badassery just ranks him higher.
1. The Fridge- Ok.... Sgt. Slaughter was a wrestler... but at least he was a military themed wrestler, and was actually in the Marines before going into wrestling. Made sense. William "The Refrigerator" Perry was just a big ass football player who became super popular when the Chicago Bears were having a hot season, ending with a Superbowl win. I have no idea besides just being popular why this guy was made. His accessory also sucks, a spiked football on a chain(said chain being rigid plastic). It could have been worse as there were plans to make Rocky Balboa a figure(seriously), but I only count produced figures in this list. The Fridge was just goofy, weird, and didn't fit in at all....well except to get Captain Grid-Iron some buffalo wings and a six pack on gameday.
Well, at ease troopers, the top ten weirdest G. I. Joe figures/characters mission has been completed. Hope you enjoyed! Tony/Chainclaw.