IDW's Transformers Vs. G.I.Joe comic series by Tom Scioli and John Barber is some kinda crazy fun.
So here's the top ten BEST things from it...in my humble opinion, of course.
10. Hawk's "funeral"
Issue # 3
General Hawk receives a minor wound in issue # 1. Issue # 3 abruptly
opens with his funeral aboard the USS Flagg! How did he die??
The newly-christened "Decepticobra" alliance isn't going to miss an
opportunity to wreak havoc on their foes while they're all gathered in
mourning. A large force led by Starscream and the Serpentress (secretly
the Baroness who has seized control of Cobra in the wake of Cobra
Commander's apparent demise back in issue # 0) attack the Flagg,
assuming the Joes will be taken unawares.
Then Hawk's casket opens up...
Yup, Hawk's entire death and funeral were staged just to lure their
enemies close! A huge battle ensues and the Dreadnoks attempt to breach
the Flagg to retrieve Doctor Venom, who has been working for G.I.Joe
under duress.
Buzzer guns down Shipwreck (he gets better) and hands the good doctor a gun, assuming Venom will eagerly come with them.
Nope. Doctor Venom likes working for G.I.Joe! He can do all his shady crap under the auspices of working for Uncle Sam now!
9. Roaming Cities
Issues 2, 3, 5, and 12
On Cybertron, both the Decepticons and Autobots operate out of moving
cities. Trypticon is the Decepticon capital and Megatron sits on a
throne inside the giant robo-dinosaur's maw.
Trypticon is constantly trudging across Cybertron in pursuit of the
Autobot city Metroplex, which takes on a starfish-like beast mode and
crawls across the planet's uneven surface.
Trypticon finally catches up to Metroplex in issue # 5 briefly, in a
chapter amusingly titled "Everybody Hates Metroplex". Cuz ya see,
Trypticon's original voice actor was Brad Garrett, who is probably most
known for starring on the long-running sitcom...Everybody Loves Raymond.
Later in the series during the final battle between Decepticobra and the
"Jotobots", Metroplex is finally able to transform to robot mode and uses
his own arm as a breaching tunnel into Trypticon's interior.
8. The Decepticobra victory feast
Issue # 10
Having captured Roadblock, Cobra quickly puts him to work as their chef.
They hold a great banquet in toast to their apparent victory over
G.I.Joe, one which Megatron crashes. Getting into the spirit of things,
Megatron decides to sample human food...that is, he literally has the
captured Joe Skidmark prepared on a plate and served to him!
Unfortunately for Cobra, Roadblock has also taken the opportunity to
poison the food he's made for them. When Serpentress chastises Destro
for allowing this to happen, Destro dismissively replies "Great cuisine
was worth the risk."
Having earlier made contact with Tunnel Rat, who has infiltrated the
Cobra stronghold, Roadblock holds foes off with his culinary armory
before making a safe getaway.
7. Defensor, Defender of Mankind
Issue # 12
The "Rescuebots" create Defensor in honor of their goal of protecting
humanity. This Defensor is made up of a more eclectic and varied
line-up of team members than the traditional Protectobots.
Blades is actually the Blades from the younger demographic-targeted Rescue Bots cartoon, a character named
Peacemaker forming the gun only makes sense for this group, and Arcee
becomes...pink panties for Defensor?? Uh, okay!
Later, Defensor is wounded fighting Trypticon, and Steeler comes to the
rescue with the G.I.Joe Bridge Layer! This solely-industrial Joe
vehicle allows Defensor to score a critical hit on Trypticon.
6. King Grimlock's revenge
Issues 5 and 12
Grimlock began the series as leader of the Autobots in Optimus Prime's
absence and Rodimus Prime's exile. Rodimus soon makes his return and
challenges Grimlock for leadership. We don't see the results of the
challenge, but since Metroplex is under siege during it, the two
seemingly put their differences aside quickly to mount a counterattack.
Grimlock issues his own challenge to Megatron, perhaps believing that
killing the Decepticon king will solidify his claim to Autobot
leadership. Unfortunately for the Dinobot, Megatron proves too powerful
and slays him. Megatron takes Grimlock's "Rex Tyrannus"
crown/dino-head and tail as trophies, integrating them into his body and
becoming a homage to Beast Wars Megatron to boot.
Later in the series, Optimus Prime is killed as well and finds Grimlock
on the road to the afterlife. After escaping Kremzeek, Devourer of
Souls (really), they find the final gateway blocked by its guardian,
Bludgeon. Prime possesses the key to open the door within himself.
Prime sacrifices his chance to enter the afterlife to allow Grimlock to
do so. So will Grimlock enjoy eternal rest? Not a chance! See,
Megatron has been carrying the stolen Matrix in his chest since the
series began. And now...it is a gateway for Grimlock to resume his
attack on the Decepticon king!
5. Earth transforms
Issues 8 and 13
Megatron has corrupted Cybertron itself and brought it into Earth's
orbit. Massive horned mountains spring from Cybertron and plunge into
Earth's surface, dealing it monstrous damage. The Joes on Cybertron
fear the planet is lost, as Earth sinks into a giant cloud of dust and
space debris.
Cybertron transforms into Primus and at Megatron's command, the enslaved planet moves to consume the sun. But...!
Wait, so both Tunnel Rat AND General Flagg are supposed to be Larry Hama? SO CONFUSED!
Anyhow! Earth has survived, and what's more...Joe Colton has initiated
the "Atlas" protocol. Long, long ago, a deity called Daiakuron
(heh-heh) gave birth to several ensouled planets, two of which were
Cybertron and Earth. And much like Cybertron...Earth has a robot mode!
4. Snake Eyes and Scarlett binary-bond
Issue 12
Through possession of the Master Sword, which contains the souls of his
three mentors (the Hard, Soft, and Blind Masters), Snake Eyes inherits
control of Fortress Maximus. Similarly, after having slain the great
Neb'los betrayer Zarak, Scarlett becomes Scorponok's master.
Snake Eyes has avoided Scarlett since his facial disfigurement in issue #
0. However, they find themselves commanding ancient city-sized foes
and are compelled to reunite.
After making Fortress Maximus and Scorponok tongue-kiss (ghahahah),
Snake Eyes finally decides to let his guard down in front of the woman
he loves and Scarlett (and the reader) get to see his blemished visage.
3. Ultra Magnus
Issues 10 and 13
After Optimus Prime is killed by Megatron, his body is retrieved by Ultra Magnus, who in this continuity...is the Autobot god of death.
During the final battle, Ultra Magnus arrives to confront Megatron (and homage the crap out of the '86 animated movie.)
Fighting on the surface of the sun, Magnus manages to tear the stolen
Matrix out of Megatron's chest...and reveals that he is merely a vessel
to bring forth...
2. Destro and Megatron
Issues 3, 9, and 13
Destro...was once a man.
Born hundreds of years ago in medieval Scotland, the man who would
become Destro explored a crashed Transformer spaceship and was gifted
with alien knowledge and technology. Destro used it to create the very
first gun and further to prolong his own life and create an empire.
In the present day, Destro meets with Megatron in the early stages of
the Decepticobra alliance, and the two immediately feel a kinship with
each other. If Destro is father of the gun, than certainly Megatron is
his god. (Also, the two share a distinct disdain for incompetents
voiced by Chris Latta.)
Megatron offers Destro a token of his esteem...a gun in the Decepticon king's image.
In the final battle, after Duke kills Destro, we are given a glimpse of
what measures the Scotsman took to live through the centuries. And of
course, we learn the significance of the gun that Megatron gifted
him...just before Duke destroys it.
1. Scarlett in Springfield.
Issues 6 and 7
Scarlett and some other Joes are captured by the enemies and imprisoned
within Scorponok. They are brainwashed by Dr. Mindbender and Mindwipe
to believe they are living a "normal" life within an enclosed community
called Springfield.
Scarlett is haunted by the voices of alien ghosts (the residents of the
long-slaughtered community of "Neb'los" that Springfield was built atop)
and shakes the brainwashing. Her and Mutt snap everyone out of it and
Scarlett kills her fake husband (a Cobra "Fred" decoy), leaving her fake
children inside their burning home.
While the other Joes look for an escape, Scarlett decides to hunt down
those responsible for this illusion. She finds Bumblebee's severed (but
alive) head and Doctor Mindbender...but her "kids" catch up with her.
After dispensing with the kids, Mindbender, and a bio-duplicate of
herself, Scarlett infiltrates Scorponok's brain center. She finds
Scorponok's master Zarak, the betrayer of the Neb'los and exacts a
long-overdue justice upon him.
Having cut a bloody swath through Springfield, Scarlett's first act upon
assuming control of Scorponok is to reunite two old friends.
And that's that!
YOTO JOTOBOTO!!!
-Mike
